Friday, January 27, 2006 news--for those of you who just couldn't get enough

Today, I believe that (breakthrough of all breakthroughs) I have made the site more accessible to you 56K users. For one, it is done mostly in Flash, which obviously is dial-up friendly (unfortunately, it is not very forgiving on your computer’s memory resources). Secondly, the little bits of pre-arranged code packages that are naturally embedded into Flash 8 have been implemented into the overall scheme of the site. So, yay and success and all that. All that is left is that bitch ass horseshit-eating sheep-fucking of a rectal disorder that eventually will be my forum. A metric BATTLESHIP TON of a code there. Sometimes, do you ever wonder what it would be like to be assigned the task of having to find a needle in a haystack? Or even worse? Having to find a bent quarter that’s wedged in a crack in one of the rooms on the Queen Mary II cruise ship liner? And you don’t know which one, so unless you have a metal detector or a Palm Pilot with metal-detecting capabilities and peripherals you are thoroughly pwned by the dilemma. And you’ll have to use the long-way-‘round approach to solving the problem.

That’s what reading the code for my forum is like. Shit on a bicycle pedal.

So, at this point, before I shift the attention away from the endless moaning over my site, I would just like to say that the deadline for when the site will be done is now officially pushed to the day after Hell freezes over. Would that I had more to say about it, but less is better in this case. So, without further ado, let’s talk about. . .

Sexually active snails!

(I rarely laugh at my own jokes, but that last line—originally a thought in my sleep-starved brain—had me spurting Dr. Pepper from my nose. It is almost as funny as hearing French guys say “dude” and “motherfucker” in their broken English.)


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